With the spread of IT after the overspill in Bangalore, we now find people heading out to places like Kochi, Mangalore, Pune and Jhumri Thalaiyya etc to work in the Technoparks that are mushrooming there rapidly. Therefore I am often confronted by questions about Kerala by people who are relocating there. I have compiled some of the questions that I am usually asked so that people can use this as a travel advisory.
Q. Where is Kerala?
A. It is in South India.
Q. Where is South India?
A. Near Chennai.
Q. What is Chennai?
A. Never mind.
Q. How do I reach Kerala?
A. Kerala is connected to the rest of the country by Rail, Air and Sea routes.
Q. Do I need to take a visa?
A. No, but a copy of “Das Kapital” will make your stay more comfortable.
Q. What is Das Kapital?
A. Never mind.
Q. That was very rude.
A. I know. Next question please!!!!!
Q. I have heard that Kerala is full of mosquitoes.
A. %$^#& who told you so?
Q. errr…never mind.
Q. What do people in Kerala eat?
A. Rice and vegetables and some meat. But mostly they drink.
A. What did you $%#& think?
Q. What do people in Kerala drink?
A. Water….sometimes neat but mostly diluted with Whisky, Brandy, Rum etc.
A: What did you mean by “oh”?
Q: *gulp* I swear I wasn’t thinking anything!!!
Q. And what do people of Kerala wear?
Q. Really? Err… I mean that sounds great.
Q. What kind of people are Keralites?
A. Most of them are human, the rest are communists.
Q. Who is the Chief Minister of Kerala?
Q. Wait let me try and answer that!
Q. Ratnasiri Wickremanayake
A. hmm close
Q. Lawrence Gonzi!!!!
A. You are getting hot!
Q. Mohan Lal!!
Q. You are making fun of me aren’t you?
Q. I am not talking to you!
A. Great. See ya!
Q. I have one last question
Q. Are all Keralites like you?
A. What do you mean, “like you”.
Q. I mean rude and sarcastic!
A. No, I am an exception.
Q. Thank god!!
Q. One last favor.
Q. Will you teach me some Malayalam?
Q: *GRIN* But of course!!! It will be my pleasure totally.
Please note: Kerala can be replaced with Maharashtra, West Bengal, Nagaland etc for morons like these who cannot see beyond their hometown and the main metropolises.